​Stephen Colbert really cannot wait to take the stage of The Late Show this September.

So much so, apparently, that he’s resorted to making videos nearly every day until then. For this week, those videos feature one-on-one lunches with the apparently very lonely Stephen Colbert himself, in his first series of YouTube videos promoting the upcoming premiere.

He says they’re a great way to better know his audience. Or to find someone to have lunch with. He also appears to have a sordid criminal history.

The lunches start out innocent and friendly and then take a turn toward dangerous and exciting, thanks to Colbert’s vivid imagination. Plus he keeps trying to eat your chips! One can only wonder what his actual Late Show sketches and videos will look like.

In his first of the five-series (above), Colbert shows off his lunch involving only “small-sounding foods” because he’s practicing portion control with an eye toward losing a few pounds before his big September premiere on CBS.

In his second video on Tuesday (below), Colbert attempts small talk. “Hey, you see that sport last night? So many points and balls.”

Day three, Wednesday, is when things turn a little dark. Lunch begins with Colbert touting his healthy Paleo lunch (a gorilla hand between two buns) and then quickly spins into a tale of a heist gone wrong.

And on day four there were costumes.

Day five, TGIF Friday, is the end of lunch with Colbert because things take a turn for the worse when the authorities finally haul him in. And frogs attack him for some reason. We’re thinking that if only he had eaten those chips things might have turned out all right.

Join Colbert in counting down the days until his CBS Late Show premiere on Sept. 8.

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